


Turn around

by ShadowSelene (Shadowdianne)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-30 22:32:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12662784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowdianne/pseuds/ShadowSelene
Summary: I was asked to do a songfic based on Total Eclipse of the Heart by swanqueenfanfics via twitter--------------------------------“Did you know?”She saw Emma’s answer on the blonde’s eye before the woman had the chance to look at her back one more time, her hands falling at her sides, pinching the edge of her shirt as another cold hit clasped its fingers on Regina’s ribcage, slicing her open as she blinked away the memories of a kid who had been brought back home with a woman that didn’t exist anymore.“You did.”





	Turn around

**Author's Note:**

> Set in; The night before Henry crossed the portal for the first time, beginning of S7.

The sky was clear when Regina closed the main door of the mansion behind her, one arm tightly pressing her stomach as she glanced briefly back to the already darkened house. The nighttime breeze played at her feet and, as she rose her chin, her other hand covering her lips while she choked out a sob, she focused on the window of the teen that had sat in front of her a few hours ago with fidgeting fingers, nervous coughs and a voice that still broke from time to time, still too new for a body that kept on stumbling, gangly and lanky and unused to its new height.

_“I need to go.”_

Regina hadn’t reacted in that moment but she did now, blinking away the tears that kept on falling as she moved backwards, the weight on her stomach rising to her chest, where it halted, closing around her heart in a painful clutch. Henry had eyed her carefully, almost looking like the young tween that would scratch the back of his head before admitting softly, slowly, that he had indeed eaten one cookie, even if he couldn’t, before dinner.

The image had burnt Regina’s eyes as she nodded, eyeing Henry’s fingers as they tapped on his knees, a cough getting trapped on the back of her throat as the boy kept on talking about stories and destinies that truly didn’t reach Regina’s ears. Not when everything she could see was the book and Henry’s first wonder-filled look as he spoke of the characters of that other place. The one he sworn had existed once and was still there, around the two of them.

The moonlight led her outside the fence that circled the mansion, her feet carrying her towards the darker roads of the town in where rivulets of water glowed silver on the ditch that run at her left. The wind  didn’t blow harder as she walked, mind numb while she kept on thinking on Henry, his last smile and hug as cold as she now felt while she kept on moving forward, knuckles white on her forearms, but it almost felt like it did.

She realized just as her hand rose and knocked twice where she was, the vortex on her stomach only growing as she heard the rustling of footsteps approaching the wooden door, bile raising on her throat as she kept on repeating Henry’s last words, their echo ricocheting again and again on her mind as she, finally, found herself staring directly into Emma’s green eyes.

She didn’t hear Emma’s voice as she muttered her name, full of concern even as she saw those pink lips part and move. She, however, saw the glance Emma threw inside the hall as she closed the door just enough to let half of her body visible to her, the other shadowed into the golden lights that sipped through the cracks of the door, a voice Regina had learnt to accept asking a question she never got to hear. She saw the way Emma grasped the wood’s edge, the way she bit into her bottom lip as she frowned just enough to create a crease on her smooth skin. She saw the paleness, the red rimmed eyes, the way that awful ring glowed, twinkling and mocking her as she felt another whisper and caress of the breeze that kept on bringing her the smell of the docks, the salted water and the starry night.

She didn’t hear but she saw and she felt cold, impossibly cold as she took a broken, sobbing breath that didn’t sound like her as she whispered the question she had been thinking ever since Henry had glanced at her and told her he would be gone the following day with hands transformed into nervous fists with fingernails he still bit into from time to time, whenever he thought she didn’t see him.

“You knew?”

It was Emma’s turn to drag a slow breath as she glanced inside one more time; her profile lightened by that inside light, the one Regina couldn’t reach and who she felt hating as she took a step towards it, feeling it burn her skin as she hugged herself tighter, her mind screaming at Emma, commanding her to turn and look at her.

Something the blonde eventually did with a shadow darkening the green light Regina didn’t truly see anymore but a reflection of something that had once been. When Emma spoke, voice as brittle and fragile as Regina felt her own legs and knees, the former queen bit down on her tongue, raising to stare at the woman that bore a resemblance with the one she had sought and still wasn’t the one who took a step backwards, inwards, to that light that burnt and repelled Regina’s silver one, the one the moon kept on casting at her back.

“Regina… maybe we could talk about this tomorrow?”

For a second Regina almost felt like giving up, to turn and go back to that house that felt empty and far too big already, full of words and moments she would never get to see. However, when she tried to move away from that golden frame, she found that she couldn’t.

“I need to hear it now.”

It came like a plea, one she hated herself for as she kept on staring at the blonde, thinking again on Henry’s words, on how his voice had faltered, on how she had seen the shadow of someone else behind those words, that voice. The silhouette of someone she had almost get to know and she almost saw that very same figure on Emma again as she sighed and nodded, stepping outside and mimicking her stance; arms around her midriff as the nighttime breeze played with her hair. She, however, looked like a stranger and Regina pressed her lips together as she zeroed on the ring again, the one its touch burnt her to the core.

“Did you know?”

She saw Emma’s answer on the blonde’s eye before the woman had the chance to look at her back one more time, her hands falling at her sides, pinching the edge of her shirt as another cold hit clasped its fingers on Regina’s ribcage, slicing her open as she blinked away the memories of a kid who had been brought back home with a woman that didn’t exist anymore.

“You did.”

Emma didn’t lie but she closed her eyes for a second too long and her pale skin grew whiter under Regina’s stare, tears beginning to sting as she laid her left hand on Emma’s doorjamb, uncomfortably close to the blonde’s body heat and still feeling as cold as ice while she kept on breathing the same air as she did.

“Regina, please.”

And the brunette wanted to stop and halt, wanted to listen to the murmur and whisper again and again but that still burnt with golden half wishes she had thought once wouldn’t create the woman that stood in front of her, far away from the one who had fought at her side, who had embraced Henry and had believed on her fiercely, far away from the cold that kept on creating snowflakes on her veins.

And yet, she needed that woman, needed her tonight, needed her on the dark spots she still could see on Emma’s eyes, the ones that once upon a time had been filled with flecks of strength and magic. The same one that now trickled slowly, far too slowly, around that beating heart that kept ringing on Regina’s ears, thrumming on her palms ever since she had hold it.

“He… He wants to go.”

She didn’t talk anymore, she couldn’t and as she stared ahead of her she thought back on how Emma had looked at her, in that same memories in where she could almost touch her, just an inch too far, just a moment too slow. She found that it didn’t matter at the end since she couldn’t move as Emma sighed and rose her left hand, caressing her forearm in a way so reminiscent of something so her Regina let her whole body tremble, relishing on the far too quick second, the one that was gone before she rose and met Emma’s eyes.

Those she had fallen in love with. Those that hadn’t been filled with cold gold but burning silver, the same one she had almost thought she despised as it filled her heart with pride and strength and love, far too much of those it had splitted her in two and for a second, for that damned second, she closed her eyes and let herself taste the past on the back of her throat.

When she opened her eyes again, however, reality struck; too strong, too bright, as she felt as falling for that Emma that only glimmered back before being hidden away once again, trapped into the back of those memories Regina seemed the only one able to reach anymore.

Or not, Regina realized, because as Emma moved her hand away, the ghost of a kiss on her lips, one the former queen found herself wanting to steal, she realized that the light that had been on her had disappeared entirely, transforming into shards the words she had, once upon a time, wanted to say.

“I’m sorry.”

“So do I.”

Emma didn’t speak but her body flinched either way just enough, strong enough as Regina finally turned her back around, letting the light bask away on the moonlight’s beam.

Emma didn’t call for her but Regina turned one more time just as the door closed and for the first time the three words escaped her lips, the ones she had fought so hard against.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Why have I chosen this scene? I had the feeling the song speaks of someone who is singing to someone else the signer knows is not there anymore in the same way the Emma Regina needs is not there as much as it pains her. As much as she loves Emma.   
> Is not a breaking up fic but rather… a realization? Perhaps a reason why she truly felt like she could just go with Henry and leave Storybrooke behind. Because she still loves Emma, loves the Emma that sometimes appears beneath the “I’m H00k’s wife now.” The one she once fell in love with. But Emma needs to take that step forward; Regina can’t make it for her hence the… “Turnaround.”  
> Thank you so much for SwanQueenfics for the prompt. I hope I did it justice.


End file.
